Quannah's thoughts: March 2005

guess what today is

YAY ME 28 today

i am ok now

Ok. i had some time to think about things. and it is ok.
It is obvious that Spencer thought i was sleeping with everyone even though since i had started sleeping with him like a month ago. i have only been with one other person one time.
Spencer made it perfectly clear that i was only a fuck. well fucking what ever. fine but you expect me not to see anyone else.
What the fuck. i am nothing but sex, fine, but no one else can have me slightly unfair

How is it

that some one can take a hold of your hart and pull at it so much.
How do we give someone the power to do it. Making us cry.
Oh my god i just don't understand how people can do it. and not even know that and not even know that they are doing it.
take a chance you fucking hoe.- Gwen
I can't it will be nothing but a big laughing track.
My name is gone.
I am alone.
I don't understand
I don't even think that any of this will make any sence in the morning and i am doomed to just delet it anyway

oh well

Spencer broke it off today. and i am hurt a bit. i will miss the fun. but what can you do. He just got tired of me. so on i go.
I am just going to be alone for a while not go out on dates or anything. It will be good for me.

On the plus side, the kids had a great easter.
I got andrew a baseball and a glove for easter he loved it. So we went outside to toss the old ball around and andrew throws the ball so hard i have a brusid finger and man does it hurt.
he is really good at it.
have a good night everyone.
happy easter

What the fuck

Ok i know that there are men out there. if you come accross this. I have a few questions for you.
I have know idea what the fuck. you invite me over to your place to spend the night. We have some serious adult fun untill 5 in the morning, and i am still fucking sore, then at 8 when i finally fall asleep you wake me up taking me home.
What the fuck, I know it is nothing serious and that it is "friends with benifits" but come on now Spencer WHAT THE FUCK.
You have spent the night at my house now so many times and i have never kicked you out once.
You said you have a shit load of stuff to do today.
I know you have a life, good for you.
I know that you forgot to pay your tab at the bar yesterday.
I know that you have many many other "special friends"
I know that I am just Friday night. I know that and i am ok with that. i get it from other places and people too.
but what you say and what you do is totally diffrent.
I know there is no love.
I don't want you house, your truck or your money
I signed that fucking contract with you that i am disease free.
ya can you belive it, he made up a contract stating that i am disease free. of course i signed it because i am.
So I don't know what the fuck. So any males can give me some advice because i don't know what the fuck is going on.
On the ride home, i was quiet, trying to figure out what the fuck just happend. so i was quiet he looks at me and says "are you mad at me" well what the fuck Spencer what the fuck to you think i am so mad at.
I had no sleep you wake me up. and you ask am i mad at you. i am going to go now because i am too pissed off to continue writing without going on and on.
FUCK man i just don't understand men and they say we are complicated

Yay Friday

I am so happy it is Friday. However i am starting to no like them, The closer it gets to friday the more and more Shawn calls.
Yesterday he called about 6 times on my cell alone. he also called the house. It seems like the is just calling to hear my voice. so on the 6th call i just freaked on him. we had already set up a time. and i said that and there is no reason for him to be calling so much and that him calling me all the time is really pissing me off.
I am getting tired of listening to his voice. I don't want to get back to gether with him but he is just not taking no for an answer.
and it is pissing me off.
He calls just to say he wants to know if the kids are alright, well you don't need to call me 6 times a day asking the same fucking question.
I don't care how you are doing, don't tell me, i don't care how your day was don't tell me. I am not going to tell you how my day was don't ask, i am not going to tell you why i am not at home don't ask, i am not going to tell you where i am don't ask, you wanna ask how the kids are doing all the power to you. but fuck man don't call a million times a day. if something importants need to be know to you i will tell you.
So fuck off and leave me the fuck alone. we have set times and a set days where you can come and see the kids FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE
if you don't stop calling me i will just have my number changed and you will never be able to get ahold of me, your mom will have to call. I like her, i do, i will just deal with her nad not you
So get the message and FUCK RIGHT OFF, call again i fucking dare you

New phone

Ok i was looking at cadmasters blog (my bro) and i got phone envy, so alas i have a new phone too
http://www.telusmobility.com/on/pcs/handset_lg_6190.shtml
he he he call me adam and i will give you my new phone.

On to a new topic. I when out last night. with a friend Tony.
He has been trying to get with me for the last 7 years . So gave in.
I am single so i figured why the fuck not.
He said he was glad that i waited so long.
MMMM. and it is Thurday so that means that Spencer will be comming over tonight.
I must go now and so Easter shopping, that chocolet don't buy itself.

He came over

it was nice to see him. I missed him. I love it when he smiles at me. i love it when he makes me smile. I love it when he looks at me. And eventhough i got stood up tonight. i got to see him. If i had gone out with Joe then i wouldn't have seen him.
I asked him if he was going to come over on Friday or Thursday or Thrusday and Friday. He knew what i was talking about. so he said maybe. If you knew him you would know that that is good. I am happy n ow. yay me

Well

Here i am again. sitting here stood up.
What is it with my luck.
Why is it that i just know how to pick the perfect person to treat me like shit.
Last night Shawn called and wanted to know if i wanted to get back together with him and try it again,
NO,NO,NONONONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Fuck man I mean come on now.

Another one bies the dust

And so i thought as my mind started to wonder about things that have happend and things that i knew where going to happen.
Chapter 12.
A normal life for the little one who had no chance.
She always thought that things would come easily to her. With her long blond hair and rosy red cheeks. Smiling as the world zipped by her, watching it threw the glass of the ol' family Dodge wagaon.

I am supose to met Joe today, he is comming into town for the night.
I am ready for what is going to happen and wonder if everthing is going to be ok. yes i am scared you would be too. but i have to do what i have to do.
I miss Spencer alot.
and i wish he would come around more offten. He called and i didn't even know about it untill today. It is not like he wanted to talk to me or anyting.
I don't know if seeing him once a week is going to be enough.
But alas like the blond girl full of wished and hope i trudge on.

am i here?

Tuesday, 14 October 2003
Can you find meCan you find me? If you can read this then the answer is yes If you can read this then the answer is no However if you say that no you haven't found me and you know you haven't because you can't read this then you are lying because if you can read this then you have found me and you are lying.
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Time

It is almost my birthday and consideirng no one reads my blog i am wondeirng if anyone will notice.
It is not like i care or anything.
Things have been weird. I have googled myself and have come accross my web site. Funny how days gone by you can still remmeber passwords to things.
http://members.tripod.com/quannah_inc/

So i that that was cool you can take a look if you like
also the blog that goes iwth it
http://members.tripod.com/quannah_inc/quannahsfans/

another night

you know i went out last night and once again had a few too many. If you read all the posts it looks like i drink alot. but really i don't.
I have a few shots before i go to bed. and that isn't even everynight. I go out on the weekends but not every weekend. and i don't drink everyweekend.
Sometimes i have a good week and sometimes i don't
This week i did have a good week. this month has been pretty fucked
Lots of wierd things happend. Getting with Spencer. which has been fun. wierd but fun. and i hope that we continue our relationship. but aahhh i don't know

Things with Miles, Jim, Spencer, i don't know what to think about everything
There is one relationship that i want to develop but, i know that he is just not into it. I have introduced him the the whole sex with out the relationship part of it. But i did that becuase i want him to come to me, not only for certain things but also for companinship and that if he hung out and got to know the real me he would think diffrent about me other than one thing. But i don't think that i t is going to happen like that.

There is nothng i can do but continue on with what i am doiing and hope that he continues to see me. I just don't want to push him away.
One the plus my friend Can (Niko) is comming to Canada soon. he will be comming over from Turkey in the summer and will be staying for a week.
well that is the update for today. I am going to go and finish talking to my friends.

Last night

I had a lot of fun last night my friend spent the night and we had a good talk. I let him know that i am not looking for a relationship and that all i wanted was a physical relationship and that is all.
He had never had a relationship like that before and is open to the consept.
So he spent the night and we had fun. tonight we are going to the local watering hole to have some fun.
I called him and asked him if he wanted to come. he isn't really much of a talker so i don't know if he is going to come or not. I am hopping that he does.
He said to curt that if he isn't here at 9 then he isn't commming well it is 8 now so i am hopping that in the next hour he will show up. I shaved my leggs for him. Well i hope everyone has a great Friday night and i will talk to you all tomorrow.

My Mom has arrived safely

I talked to my dad, he heard from my mom, and she arrived safely in Alberta about an hour ago. As you can tell i am happy that she did. When ever my family travels i get scared. but it is all good now
So i am going to go and relax for a bit. He is comming over. yay

Me today.

Quannah Inc.

The nerve of some

Hey well i finally got up the nerve to tell him that i had fun and that i would love to do it again. he seemed happy about it. Yay me.

Miss My Mom

She has only been gone for about 6 hours and i already miss her. Soon my dad will be going too. I don't know when i will be seeing her again.
One of the guys i have been talking to on the net. I met him to day. we met for coffee it went really well he is a really nice guy. you could tell he was really into me. I did it the safe way. i met him at the hospilte and he followed me and amber the the local Timmies where we sat and drank coffee for a few house. I brought a friend with me. Went to a very populated area where i am a local and the people who work there know me and, it was a way from my home and we went a diffrent way home first. doing a few errans.
This has been my 3rd time meeting someone that i have met on the internet. I am very careful about it. I have had the opportunity to meet others but i didn't get a good vibe from them so i didn't .

It has been a few days since i have seen him (name withheld) and i miss him. From all accounts i think that he likes me but i am told that he is shy. What am i to do. i guess i am just going to have to suck it up and tell him. I have tryed flirting with him. and it worked. I mean we ended up having sex. and fuck it was nice and now i have the feelings and stuff. I have had "friends" and no feelings got in the way. i am still friends with almost all of my guys. but this time it is diffrent and I dont' know why.
mmmmmmmm.

Page One

Quannah Inc.

Page two

Quannah Inc.

report Cards

Andrew got his report Card yesterday and i must say it was very very good. I am not going to write out everything so i will scan and post it for you. Mostly my family or my friends read this so. but in case i will be taking away the important shit like full name and school and teacher etc.

A little too much drinking going on

But I love sour puss. MMMMMM i love that stuff. Do you know what is really good. Half and Half. Apple Sour Puss and Smirnoff Ice. now that is some good shit . So i drank a little toomuch. but man did i have a good time.
Sat night oooohh man.
It was a one night Drunken stupor. but fuck man he was hung like a horse
(sorry to my family they really didn't need to read that).
I am saddened that it was only a one night thing. I have had a crush on him (name with held) yes it is him. for a while now since i have been seeing steve. so it was quite suprize that it happened. but he is good. and it made me feel good that someone found me attractive.
I think it was one time thing but i don't want it to be. he was great. He is really nice and i would love to see him again

I have to share.

I got this in an email. It is funny if you love English or are learning English.
It is not for children. It is only a joke and if you take things to hart then you shouldn't watch it.
Please don't wait too long for it to load you really don't need to.
Hope you like it
Not safe for work
http://media.funnyjunk.com/flash/881327f046fc5/english.swf

This morning.

The morning after

Well went out last night. meet some really nice guys. Was totaly in the mood to get in trouble and with the help of my girls oh man we so did. Now everyone is at work and i am the only one left in the house. mmmmm guess go is going to get rid of the evidence of what happend last night. Yep. lol i don't mind. we have all taken turns cleaning up the mess from the night before. i am not hung over. which is cool.
I have my ephedrin, and my Redbull it is all good.
have a good day. I am putting up a pic of me today. pretty horrid looking.
Place laugh and "OH MY FUCKING GOD" track here.

Yay Friday

Well obviously it is friday today. poor Deborha she had a bad cold I feels so sorry for her. She has a fever and is coughing alot and when she breaths you can tell she has fluid in her lungs. So she is just laying on the couch watching tv. trying to get better.
But on the plus side it is friday and My friend terina is comming over today
to have a few drinky poos. it should be a fun time.
need to relax a bit. So untill later.

Fine!!!

Well fine then.
I had no idea that AMBER was reading my blog.
he he yay someone reads it.
Now I had to tell her everything, but it is all good.
anywhore, when to the superhost thing today.
It was fun but all in all it was usless. i mean i am sure some people would learn something from it. but most of it was common sence. Smile. don't yell at your customer. Well Duh "no shit sherlock what was your first clue." Maybe I am just smarter then the average bear. I don't know. Maybe the average person is stupid. i am not saying anyone in my workshop today is they were a great group of people. But come on now.
I guess the average person really is stupid. the instuctor Gayle was fun and nice.
Maybe i should be on of these people teaching common sence to other people. It is not hard. I love talking in front of ofther people. No problem at all. talking in front of a large or small group of people i think it is fun.
Well i am going to go now and watch my soap.

OMFG

I was looking at the various blogs around and i have come across Patrick's and oh my god it is so funny.
I have to share the link.
Credits to Patrick for the link.
http://www.drivenbyboredom.com/gallery/gallery.php?x=26
Funny Funny Shit.

Place title here

He came over today. just briefly. he didn't even noitce me.
I wanted to tell amber who i have a cush on but i can't.
I feel like such a loser.

The Sun can't shine everyday

Today it is sunny. i am happy. I don't particularly know why.
All i can think about is him.
I have come to realize that i can live without Steve. but i don't want him to be with anyone else.
I have also come to realize that all my ex's can drop dead and i would be so happy.
I don't want him (name withheld) to become an ex. At this moment in my life i don't want to hate him.
Thought about him last night.
I am a full grown woman but i feel like such an imature fucking hoochie.
how pathedic is that. having a crush on someone when you are my age.
Fuck i don't even know how old he is. I figure about 23 to 25 somewhere in there.
Now untill i get this fucking stupid childish crush out of my system you will have to listening to me rant and rave about him. Too bad i can't give a name. you never know he might read this. But too many people i know might be reading this and i don't want them to know.
I want him but i don't want him to know that i like him. I want to know if he likes me. but when i am around him i giggle and smile and i think i send out the vibe that i like him.,,,, oh well maybe he is just dence and will never know.
Maybe i am wasting my time.
I probably am. When i like someone i usually am wasting my time.

Wondering

I am wondering what is going on at Steve's place.
The kids are getting more and more fucked up every time they go there.
I wonder what is going on at Shawn's place. The kids are getting more and more fucked up every time they go there.
I am wondering why Shaw called a few minutes ago and asked me out for Lunch.
I am wondering why all of a sudden Tony is talking to me.
I am wondering why he comes cover. (name with held).
I am wondering if he (name withheld) will ever ask me out for coffee.
I am wondering if he (name withheld) will just make me wonder if he likes me. I wonder if he (name withheld) even knows I like him at all. I wonder if he even has a slight idea that i like him. That when i see him my heart races. That all he has to do is look at me and i melt.
Wonder if he is going to come over that day. how long will i have to wait untill he comes over or calls. just so i can see him or hear his voice.
I wonder if i am really as pathedic as i sound.

I am back

I spent another 3 hours getting more color. then half an hour in make-up. I personaly didn't like it but it was for the lights and cameras and stuff.
I like the hair. and as soon as i got home and everyone finished laughing at me i washed off all of the makeup.
I should have pics soon and i will up them up for all too see.

The Big Day

Right now it is 7:30 in the morning. I have my showing today. I am quiet excited. They flew in Ron from Vegas to do my hair.
3 hours yesterday to color my hair. I love the new color. I am not sure about the length though. They cut off like half of it yesterday and on stage they will be cutting off the other half.
Not sure what they will be doing with it. but i want a copy of the before and after pics.
A few of the models there will be showing last years styles and i will be one of the girls showing this years styles.
So out of all of my friends i will have the most up to date stlye.
yay.
Alright i have to run. have to be there at 8 and it don't give me long to get there and stop for coffee first.
mmmmmm got to love that Timmies.

Good sleep

I had another good sleep last night it is so nice to be able to sleep.
Of course the 3 shooters that i did with amber and curt didn't hurt either.
Found out yesterday that Steve has a new girlfriend. Her name is Deborah. I thought that is was a little weired that my daughters name is Deborha and his new fuck has the same name . We all thought that he was just saying that he had a new woman with that name but the boys had met her. They say she is nice, and that is good.
I was upset when i found out. Picturing him with anohter woman. and i didn't know if it was becuase jelious but i figured it out. I am worried that if steve's new woman workes out then the boys would have a new step mom . I am no longer the step mom. I didn't want to be replaced.
At coffee last night i was talking to amber and she told me that as long as i am in her life as a friend then i never have to worrie about not being able to see the boys.
Another thing i fiugered out was i was jelious of the woman. that steve was having someone else. I was mad becuase why the fuck should i have to go to sleep alone and wake up alone. and he get someone to cuddle up to.
Fucking ass. I wish he was deade.

Later on today

Went driving today. It was really nice to be in the drivers seat again. missed it a lot.
Got the kids off to Fuckfaces ok. God what an ass.
Amber is working today untill 10pm so i get to pick my ass untill then.
Finally got to see Niko today. He has been in Univeristy (spelling sorry) for the last 3 days. But he got back today. so i got to see him on Web cam.
We got to play (wink wink)
I can't wait untill he comes to Canada in about 4 months. He will be here for a week and he will be comming here to stay with me for the week. it will be nice to see him again. i will show a pic for you all.

Fucking people

It really hurts when you find out exactly how quickly you get replaced. after not seeing him for 2 fucking weeks he is already seening some. Saw the boys this morning at the school Dad got them new wallets to go with the 5 that dads new fuck gave them.
UUUUUmmmmmm trying to buy the kids are we.
Her name is Deborha and she works at the hospitle.
Fuck i hate him so much.
I wish he would fucking die

Fuck me i am SMRT

I figured out how to put on pics. Oh God help us now Quannah can post pics.

Deborha on her 5th B-Day

night out on the town

My College Grad.

Thursday March 3rd

Oh my god what a day.
First i slept so good last night. that i woke up before the rest of the house. got the coffee on and got the kids up. It was nice to not be so tired. that my daughter couldn't even wake me up.
This morning my son says to me that it is too diffrent here and he wants to live with dad durring the week and live with me on the weekends. Now as a mother this destroyed me. I cryed all day. But it finaly came out that he misses the way things were. when i would wake up and make him breakfast. and walk with him to school and pick him up from school. I personaly thought that he loved his new independence. I get up with the kids, but they get their own breakfast, and make their lunch for school and walk to school. and walk home. the 4 boys do it every morning.
I guess i was wrong. Man i felt like such a horrible mother today. but i am glad that it is all worked out. Me and andrew have a new agreement. i will make him breakfast in the morning and if he wants me to walk to school with him in the mornings i will. and when he doesn't then i won't. He is 8 this year. I thought he wanted to grow up and be a big boy.
but it has all been worked out and everything is all good.
Tommorow is Friday and I don't have any plans. I do on Sat but that is it.
MMMM anyone wanna do coffee.

This is for Patrick.

It is because I was not wearing any socks silly......

March 1st

It is alomost my B-day.
deborha is still having trouble sleeping at night. She is still getting up almost every 15 min. waking up the house. i don't know how much longer i can put up with it. I listen to music at night through my MP3 and i still can here her over the music.
I am so tired so exaused. so tired i can't even spell.
got Amber cat fixed today. well she is in sugery right now.
I don't know what i am going to do about it. Everyone understands what is going on in my life and is giving me some flexibility.
In the last 6 months. i have had more deaths in my life then i have ever had. My 4 year relationship has ended. My ex, is being investigated for child abuse against my children. I just found out that My other ex, steve didn't love my kids.
Moved my child out of his school to a new one then out of that one to another one then from that one to the one that he is in now.
he doesn't like this school.
I lost my job.
my children are so stressed out.
Steve is fucking up the boys which unlike him i fell in love with the boys. After 4 years i fell in love. i love the boys just like they were mine. It is steves loss not to love my children. they will become great and he will miss out on it. and there is nothing that he can do to change it. He called after the pic thing and said. i am sorry i do love deborha and andrew. all i said was no you don't and don't pretend that you do.
I will not be with anyone who doesn't love my children. I can't. I love them.
So too bad for him.
So ya all of that has happened in the last 6 months. and i am so tired. I keep telling myself that it will get better. it has to right.
RIGHT?

Quannah's thoughts

Thursday, March 31, 2005

guess what today is

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

i am ok now

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

How is it

Sunday, March 27, 2005

oh well

Saturday, March 26, 2005

What the fuck

Friday, March 25, 2005

Yay Friday

Thursday, March 24, 2005

New phone

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

He came over

Well

Another one bies the dust

Monday, March 21, 2005

am i here?

Time

Saturday, March 19, 2005

another night

Friday, March 18, 2005

Last night

Thursday, March 17, 2005

My Mom has arrived safely

The nerve of some

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Miss My Mom

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

report Cards

Monday, March 14, 2005

A little too much drinking going on

Saturday, March 12, 2005

I have to share.

The morning after

Friday, March 11, 2005

Yay Friday

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Fine!!!

OMFG

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Place title here

The Sun can't shine everyday

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Wondering

Sunday, March 06, 2005

I am back

The Big Day

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Good sleep

Friday, March 04, 2005

Later on today

Fucking people

Fuck me i am SMRT

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Thursday March 3rd

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

This is for Patrick.

March 1st

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